Taking care of one’s father is not easy, especially when said father is a widower, 80 years old, deaf and hard of hearing, has heart & lung issues, as well as a broken back (75% compression fracture on his L5 S1 – basically at his lower back making it hard for him to twist and impossible to bend forward). Now, add in him not remembering to take his prescribed medications and the whole house of cards collapses quite quickly.
I have been caring for my father for over two decades after my mother passed of a glioblastoma multiforme (a fancy term for brain cancer, and one she could never bounce back from, there is no known cure, yet). Each year it gets progressively harder, more time consuming, and much more energy to keep him as healthy as possible.
I recently had to take him to the emergency room because his leg turned bright red and both legs swelled up even more. It’s called cellulitis and I found out that his kidney was shutting down at the same time, and his heart started having issues as well. It really is not good when all parts of important things within one’s body stop working properly. He had had some hallucinations and paranoia, which I attribute to him not remembering to take his medications, so often I would get screamed at, and he even said things so concerning to an advice nurse on the phone that she was compelled to call the police (she’s a mandated reporter, so I understood completely why she did so because I have worked in schools and am required by law to do the same). When the policeman did show up, Dad wouldn’t let me or the officer into his apartment. It’s wasn’t until later that we were allowed in and the officer saw that Dad was safe and all right, that the caregiver most likely wasn’t being malicious, and that we could leave it at that.
When the doctor at the hospital told me he was discharging Dad, I didn’t have a place for him. He fired the caregiving group he was working with, didn’t like the other options (too low in reviews), a friend told me not to go with one of the caregiving companies because she had worked for them recently and did not think it would be wise to do so. Thus, I was stuck (again) having mere days (2) to get him into a n assisted living situation. Thankfully, we had already toured the top option. I was able to work with that company and get an apartment that Friday. Saturday, I moved (along with the amazingly help of a moving company) ALL of Dad’s furniture to the new apartment, and then Sunday got him actually physically into the new space. My godfather came to help me empty some boxes and I did the rest and n the next 2 days. Dad & I are still organizing stuff now (he’s been here at his new apartment for a few weeks). I can finally breathe (a little bit), but I don’t relax too much because something always happens after that I have to deal with, on my own.
It is not easy being the child and caring for the parent, but Dad took care of me quite a bit for my life that it seems quite fair to be here to help him, even if that does mean on losing out on big interviews and job opportunities because I’m stuck waiting at the ER to find out what is wrong this time and the next. A friend recently told me, “you’ll find the right fit” for jobs, and I certainly hope so. Thankfully, both Dad and I have a very funny and silly little dog that keeps us laughing (& certainly on our toes!) She is quite the great personality to lift us up when things get frustrating, overwhelming, and tiring where you just don’t think you can do it anymore, but you keep going because people depend on you.
Leave a Reply